February has arrived and love is in the air... for some of us anyway. But you don't have to be in a relationship to enjoy this Valentines. Here's how to live your single life to the fullest every day of the year!
"Instead of focusing on finding the right guy, spend your energy on becoming the woman God has created you to be."
Have you ever felt yourself wondering 'when will my life begin?' When will my calling to be a spouse or a parent be fulfilled? And what am I supposed to be doing with my life whilst I'm waiting?'
Having spent most of my life alone, I am comfortable with doing near enough everything on my own - and enjoying it! In fact, I was shocked to hear how many people struggle with the idea of taking themselves out for a meal or going on a trip alone.
However in 2021, God put an overwhelming desire in my heart to be a wife and a mother some day, and so I waited, and waited, and prayed and daydreamed of a life that was yet to come; a life that wasn't even guaranteed to me. I found myself, at times, becoming so lost in the idea that my purpose in life was to be a wife and a mother, that I found little meaning in the days of my singleness. Yet whilst I was waiting for my life 'to begin' I was missing out on the life that I had. I was missing out on the days that were guaranteed to me and the love and joy that could be found in them.
And so if you feel called to be a wife, a mother, or maybe you've just been through a breakup and want to start living life independently again; here are some ways to enjoy and fully embrace this time of singleness:
How To Enjoy Life Alone
Learn to love yourself and your own company
First and foremost, love yourself. There is a reason scripture tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself". In order to have a healthy relationship with somebody else, it is essential you have a healthy relationship with yourself. This means not over-evaluating yourself and becoming self-absorbed, but also not under-evaluating yourself so that your confidence relies on the approval of other people. Once you're confident with who you are (and who you aren't!) you'll find it easier to enjoy your own company, resulting in you not needing to rely on anyone else to go and see that theatre show with!
I'll write a blog on self-love for those who struggle with it and link it here.
Join a class
Dancing, sewing, cooking, you can find a class for just about anything these days!
I have joined an abundance of classes for the sake of breaking out of my comfort zone and trying something new. From salsa to ballet, cooking to language classes, I have enjoyed getting to know new people and learning from all kinds of experienced teachers. I didn't go on to become an expert in any of these activities, nor did I try, but there is so much joy to be found in adding a variety of new experiences into your life. Search online for classes available near you. You may meet some great people and find something you're good at along the way! (and if you don't like it, try somewhere else!)
Learn a skill
If joining an in-person class seems too far out of your comfort zone (though I fully recommend you just go for it!) then there are plenty of online classes for skills that you can learn from the comfort of your own home. For instance, I did an online TEFL course resulting in a qualification that has opened up opportunities for me to work whilst travelling abroad (I'm currently writing this in Spain, Hola!) You can also watch plenty of free YouTube videos teaching you how to garden, sew, bake, draw and whatever else you can think of! Keeping yourself occupied with a skilled hobby not only prepares you with handy skills to benefit your future family, but can even result in business ideas as a way of making extra funds. Thanks to YouTube I have learnt a few 'side hustles' that have helped support me financially.
Growing in skills and knowledge not only occupies your time alone, but it also builds confidence in yourself and makes you a much more interesting person! Open a book or get online and see what you could learn today!
Volunteer
Volunteering is a great way to give back to others, filling your life with a sense of meaning and purpose whilst surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Again, a quick online search will provide you with a huge range of volunteering opportunities that you can be involved with.
Here are some of my favourites:
Sorting Christmas parcels for Operation Christmas Child
Writing letters to prisoners through Prison Fellowship's Letter Link
Being a free dog sitter through BorrowMyDoggy
Helping in Homeless shelters and Food banks.
Teaching English
Helping stray animals abroad
Travel
Although arguably the most rewarding, I have left travelling until last as I know it can be the most nerve-racking for people, especially women. I went on my first solo trip in 2019 to help volunteer in a Norwegian hostel. The opportunity rose through my Uni's Christian Union and I was the only person who signed up! So off I went, alone to a country I had never been to meet with people I had never met. And what a beautiful and friendly country it was!
Solo travelling doesn't have to be this dangerous and scary experience that people may paint it as (and it mostly comes from those who have never even tried it!). The truth is there are many, many female solo travelers out there, all with their own doubts and nervousness yet willing to get out there anyway.
If safety is a concern for you, I highly recommend going with a volunteer company. I spent August 2023 volunteering in Sri Lanka with Plan My Gap Year, an organization designed for solo travelers who want to explore yet help out and be around other like-minded people. They also have travel only options, so if volunteering is not for you, you can still travel around with a group of other solo travelers. I honestly had the best time of my life and met so many different, but wonderful, people - many of whom had just came out of relationships are were looking to get out of their heads and push themselves into doing things alone.
Having an English teaching degree like TEFL also gives you the opportunity to teach and travel, meaning you'll never be completely alone on your travels (and some placements will even fly you out and cover your accommodation!)
Mission trips are also a safe option for those wanting to travel on their own whilst still meeting up with a group of like-minded people. Although mission trips are challenging and should not be taken for tourism reasons, they still give you an opportunity to be involved in a new culture and push you to grow as an individual as you step out and share your faith with others.
In 2022 I went to Moldova with a group of people I had never met, through Operation Mobilisation, and returned home with a new outlook on life and lifelong friends.
But you don't have to travel across the world in order to 'get out there'. Travelling can mean just getting out of your own city and into another, or even exploring another part of your city that you have never been to before. Apps like geocaching (a wordlwide' treasure' hunt) can lead you to new routes and places in your own hometown that you may not realise are even there.
I encourage everyone to go travelling alone at least once, if you get the chance! (especially whilst you're single!) Travelling alone is not only a lot cheaper, you also get to move at your own pace. Spending valuable time with yourself helps you have a deeper understanding of who you are, and helps you gain confidence in yourself as you navigate the world through unfamiliar places.
You don't have to be an extrovert to do all these things alone, I'm definitely not! You just have to be comfortable, confident and content enough with your own company to be able to say yes to whatever opportunities life throws at you - single, or not! I think pretty much everywhere I've been there was at least one other person alone there too, so don't worry about looking weird or question what other people are thinking... just go!
And of course these things are just as fun, if not more, when experiencing them with a partner. But a partner should be there to compliment your life, not complete it! Not being able to live life alone is what makes people rush into relationships that are no good for them! And it can be just as lonely to be with the wrong person than it is to be alone.
So live each day knowing that if God has truly called you to be a spouse/parent then that day will come! Then you'll have the rest of your days to enjoy that chapter of life. But until then there is so much growth to be done, skills to be learnt and adventures to be had! So go out and fall in love with yourself and the world around you and see what joy that will bring!